My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
