It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
