its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you would pick up someone in the library
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
