I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
