the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
