When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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