If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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