2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
