God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize