don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
