Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
