I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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