I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
