i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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