I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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