Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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