Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I touched a dick in church today
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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