Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
