Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
