dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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