Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
