just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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