Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
