A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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