I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
