do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Farmville is her only friend.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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