Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
