I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
