dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
