i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
