Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
