need another drink. this is the easiest way
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize