i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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