i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize