Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
