I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
