too bad you live with your parents still
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
