Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
