I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
