So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
