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• (214): View more from Texas

  Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.

  (214): View more from Texas

  If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep

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• (713): View more from Texas

  She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"

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• (916): View more from California

  I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...

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• (716): View more from New York

  I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.

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