It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
