I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
