I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
