and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
