No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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