Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
