is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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