i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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