I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
