so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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