If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
