I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
