I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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