dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
