how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
