ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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