if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
