The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize