your parents love me but you hate me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
