i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
