Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
