ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he puts the penis in happiness.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize