Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
