that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Still dying that you shit outside
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
