It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
whose parrot is this?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
