I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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