dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
