I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
